Japan has many attractions and theme parks to offer visitors, but for those in search of the truly ultimate, literally once-in-a-lifetime experience, there’s only one place to go: MEIDO!
In the Japanese netherworld, the staff like to boast: “However poor you are, we treat you just like a Shogun or Emperor!” This handy guide will tell you everything you need to know before you go.
What’s the price of admission?
Meido has largely been untouched by the inflation that plagues the world above. In centuries past, the price of admission was six small coins (mon). Today, the price is still six small coins, although five-yen coins are usually substituted. (It’s considered a meritorious act to bring enough for two, in case you encounter someone at the gate whose family neglected, or couldn’t afford, to send them off with the proper admission fee.) Children are free.
How are the waiting times?
Generally, from the entrance to the main attraction takes 49 days. This may vary during peak seasons such as wars, natural disasters, and epidemics.
As with any good theme park, though, the wait is part of the attraction. From your vantage point, you’ll have a great view of the souls in hell below you as they compete in various exciting athletic events: swimming (across boiling lakes), tightrope walking (across rivers of lava, pursued by birds with beaks as sharp as needles), mountain climbing (up hills covered in sword blades, chased by oni), and others that you’ll never see in this mortal world. Depending on the outcome of your final judgment, you might even have the chance to compete yourself!
What should I pack?
Apart from the price of admission, it’s advisable to take no baggage at all, especially the emotional kind (unrepented sins and unforgiven grudges). Customs regulations do not allow any worldly goods of any kind to be carried into Meido. The chief customs inspector, Datsueba, will confiscate all your goods and hang them on the branch of a tree. Based on how far the branch bends under their weight, your route through the first attraction will be determined.
What are the attractions?
The River of Three Crossings: Swim for Your Life!
To enter Meido proper, you’ll have to cross the Sanzu River (River of Three Crossings). If you were virtuous in life, you can cross via a bridge. If you had an ordinary life, you can ford the river at its shallowest point. For those judged wicked, a unique attraction awaits: a swimming race against venomous river snakes.
The Throne Room: Life’s a Movie and You’re the Star!
The highlight of your visit will be the throne room of Great King Enma, ruler of the underworld. Together with him, you will get to see the entire story of your life unfold in an obsidian mirror, like a Net(her)flix drama.
The production will be critiqued by talking heads – literally. Two human-like heads on a platform, called the Jintojo, will tell you how your story scored on Rotten Persimmons. (Tomatoes are not indigenous to Japan.)
Once the results have been announced, you will proceed to the final attraction:
The Cosmic Escape Room
Depending on your deeds in life, you’ll be sent to one of six escape rooms, from which the objective is to find the exit from the endless cycle of birth, suffering, death, and rebirth. The themes are:
Heaven: The most pleasant option. The only real hazard is that you’ll enjoy yourself so much that it will take you by surprise when the clock runs out and you have to move on to your next incarnation.
The Human Realm: The most coveted choice, because this is the only realm that gives you everything you need to find the exit: suffering, awareness of suffering, and the will and freedom to seek release from suffering.
The Realm of the Ashuras: Some reviews rank this realm second only to Heaven. However, others recognize that its inhabitants, the supernatural beings known as Ashuras, are far from heavenly in their temperament. They are easily led by their emotions and are constantly fighting among themselves. Your chances of finding the exit from this realm are significantly lower than from the human realm.
The Realm of Animals: Whether you are reborn as a sheltered, pampered house pet or a wild animal for whom every day is a struggle to find food without becoming food for someone else, animals are not generally considered to have the wisdom or will to seek release from suffering. However, it could be argued that some dogs demonstrate universal love for all humanity.
The Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Those who were excessively greedy in their previous life are sent to the realm of gaki (hungry ghosts). Although ordinarily invisible to mortals, they are depicted as having abnormally narrow necks, so that they always look enviously at all kinds of food but can never swallow. This realm is probably best avoided, although it has received some positive reviews for providing a means of quick weight loss.
Hell: Just in case you get sent to this realm, it’s advisable to confirm whether your travel insurance covers being roasted on a spit, boiled in a cauldron, or chased up a hill covered with sword blades. This is widely known as the least pleasant realm; reviews on Yelp consist mostly of literal yelps. But on the bright side, from Meido, it will be a short trip.
What activities are there for children?
Meido has a special place for children whose life ended before they could do enough to be judged either virtuous or wicked. Kids love to stack blocks and stones, and in Meido, they can enjoy this activity eternally. On the near bank of the Sanzu River, known as Sai no Kawara, children play a game whose object is to stack stones into a complete cairn before one of the patrolling oni knock down their stack so that they have to start over. The prize for any child who wins is a ticket to cross the Sanzu River. However, since the number of children who claim the prize is practically zero, it seems they enjoy this game so much that they choose to go on playing it forever.
If by any chance your children should complain of boredom, please contact Jizo, the guardian deity of children. He will find them and escort them across the Sanzu River to enjoy the other attractions. You can reach him by making an offering at one of his many temples or roadside shrines.
How do I get there?
Don’t worry. Everyone gets there eventually.
If you prefer to get there by an unconventional route (one that doesn’t involve dying), at least two people have been known to make the trip that way. One is scholar and court official Ono no Takamura, said to have had a night job in Meido that parallelled his day job in the mortal world. He reportedly commuted through a well in the courtyard of Rokudo Chinnoji Temple in Kyoto, which still stands.
The other is the warrior Sakanoue no Tamura Maro, who went to Meido hoping to bring back his wife, Suzuka Gozen, who died tragically young. His story is told in more detail here.
Travelers are advised, however, that both these explorers made their journey during the Heian Period (8th-9th centuries), so the information in this section may be due for an update. If you succeed in making the trip and coming back to tell the tale, please contact the author.
